Stepford pastor

I am unawaredly very Nicole Kidman. I bought two VCD and DVD of her film yesterday. One is Dogville. The other is The Stepford Wivies.

In Dogville Nicole Kidman is a fugitive while in The Stepford Wivies, she is a never-perfect wife. The films carry two of my images as a pastor or a woman pastor. Fugitive and Stepford.

I am a fugitive when I find myself always running away from being a stereotyped pastor. Wandering somewhere, i sometimes get lost. Yet I enjoy being found.

I learned the word 'Stepford' from this film and I am totally obsessed by it. That is a wonderful metaphor for me and even for my tiny world. Perfect makes me sick. Rhetorically, it would be better to use 'Stepford'. I am trapped in 'Stepford' as I always try to be a becoming-perfect pastor. The tragedy is that nobody can be a model Stepford pastor. It is lucky my congregation never think about building up a Stepford church. We are never 'Stepford'. No Stepford congregation. No Stepford pastor. But why many of my pastor-friends wishing to have a Stepford senior pastor or church boss?

I am not sure whether being fugitive or dreaming to-be- Stepford is mutual-exclusive. I will not say they are paradoxical. But I do feel this is ironic. After all, people run away from what they dream of.